I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
