I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
