Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
