you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
