areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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