we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
