Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
