Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
