i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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