i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
