So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize