a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
