It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
