That's when you crack a 10am beer
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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