his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
