Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
