1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
