At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
