I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
