return my video game
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
