my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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