tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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