I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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