And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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