FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize