Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
