youre lurking in front of me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
