How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
