there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
His nipple licking is glorious
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