Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
