I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
