I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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