every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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