You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
