Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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