I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
