Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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