im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
