Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We left the knife in your bed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize