Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize