who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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