put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You made out with two different species that night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
