just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
