Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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