she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
