all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
