"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
