I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
