she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
