Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize