found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
