I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
