Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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