It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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