he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
