I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize