so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
