I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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