We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
