This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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