we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
