just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my being single is dangerous.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize