Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just had sex bonerless
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
