I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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