I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
