Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
