well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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