Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
