Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
